Thoughts

Sometimes, I just wish there is someone to tell me that it is alright to give up on your dream...

Yes, having to give up on what I always wanted really hurts. I have always dreamed of myself wearing on that white coat. Doing operations. Helping the poor. Of course I have no one to blame on. It was all my fault that I did not study hard enough to obtain good grades during my foundation year. I am extremely disappointed with my own results too. Sigh.

And now I have decided to go for business. I always comfort myself thinking that it's okay to go for business. It might be an easier and better pathway for myself and i always try to imagine myself becoming a successful business woman or something.

However, whenever I see any of my close friends doing med, I will feel very...uhm...i'm not sure. Maybe a lil' sad. I feel bad to disappoint everyone. So many people looked up on me. Everyone thinks that I will become a successful doctor. I feel ashamed and sad whenever I tell people I'm no longer going for med. I know I shouldn't care about what people think but I just can't help it :(

To say the truth, I'm not sure whether is it a right choice to give up on my dreams. Having financial issues in family and unable to obtain good grades were the reasons. If I have sufficient money, I would definitely retake my foundation no matter what. However, due to the financial issues, I really didnt want to burden my dad.  My mum gave me another option to study in Russia as it is much cheaper. However, I dont know why I just dont feel like going. So in the end I gave up the chance. I really really hope I didnt make a wrong decision to give up on this. sigh.

For now I shall just focus on what I have decided. No more changing my mind. Goodbye to my dream~


Another issue that have been bothering me is my parents wouldnt accept my bf. BIG SIGH!! I get very stressed up whenever i have to go out with him. Because I have to think of what to lie. I am seriously VERY TIRED of lying. And i feel very bad for him too. I just dont know how to start telling him about this. Should I stay and give a chance?? Will my parents ever accept him?? I dont know....:(

Anyway, feeling a lil better after pouring out what was in my mind. :)